• LJW

Stuck because of one WORD

I read an excellent article by Vicki Stark, MSW, MFT, about the one word that keeps you stuck after a serious life event. The word is WHY. Why is he so mean to me? Why did he leave? Why did my child die? Why are my kids not talking to me? Why this pandemic? This word will stop you in your tracks, because there's no answer to satisfy us. She suggests that to stop this endless questioning swirling in our head, take an imaginary scissors, and cut out the word WHY in each sentence. Then reconfigure the sentence without the WHY.

I will never truly understand the reasons my ex-husband waited so long to tell me he wanted a divorce, or why I couldn't read the signs that he was unfaithful. The WHY list about divorce could go on and on. Sooner or later, I stopped asking WHY when thinking about how much our lives had changed due to his actions. This actually helped me face it and begin to build a new life without him.

I challenge you to try. I know it won't be everyone's answer. But, if you are not able to move forward in thinking about the situation I challenge you for one week, stop asking why. See if your results help you in big or small ways.


Vikki Stark M.S.W., M.F.T.

Schlepping Through Heartbreak

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