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  • Writer's pictureLJW

Take Part in Your Own Happiness


Can You Find Yourself in these Examples

Julia just knew that when she met the right man, things would click in her life. Loneliness would be a thing of the past, and she’d finally have a chance at happiness at age 62. Her experience with men so far was miserable. Her first husband cheated on her and ended the marriage. Julia dated a few men after that, who just weren’t interesting. But, in the depths of her heart, she desired true love and consistently told herself she wouldn’t be happy until she found a great relationship of trust, love, and fun. Time kept ticking away, where she spent days upon days being unhappy and moody over being alone. She watched friends her age celebrate their anniversaries and even went to a few weddings. Why was she still alone and her heart’s desire not met?

Bill really wanted a job that tapped into his creativity. He was stuck in a well-paying job that he hated. It was scary to look outside of this safe job to seek a new one and try to sell himself to other employers in an interview. He stayed stuck and unhappy, complaining everyday with coworkers about the lousy job.

Lisa’s daughter hadn’t responded to her text or calls for over a year. It seems that she had moved on in life without her mom. This caused endless anxiety and pain for Lisa, robbing her days of happiness. If only her daughter would reach out.

Take Part in Being Happy

The title of this article is a quote I found in a small book called, Life is Beautiful by J. Gleason. At first glance I thought, well of course I take part in my own happiness, it’s my happiness after all, right? But as I thought it over, I got a glimpse of the wisdom of this statement. Are we passively waiting for happiness to come through other people, waiting for dreams to automatically fall in place, or for events to happen for us to be happy? Are we “waiting for our ship to come in?”

Delayed Happiness

I remember years ago talking to my husband about how when certain events would happen, we would be happier. This included life events like his pay raise, paying off our bills, getting pregnant, then looked ahead to when our kids started school, how life would get better when they graduated, when they moved out…the list was always a delayed happiness for something in the future. Time was wasted where I could have created and taken part in my own day to day joy and happiness. I didn’t realize I was putting my happiness in the hands of someone else or in the off chance something good would happen. I just didn’t know how to find my own happiness within. Chances are you don’t either.

What Can You Do About It?

Here's a few simple steps to “take part in your own happiness” without relying on others to supply it.

1. When you find yourself looking to other people to make you happy, take time to pause and rethink. Today, I’m in the happiest relationships of my life. My husband is warm and compassionate, loving and kind. He is not responsible for my happiness though. I am. Try to ease up on your friends, your husband, and others to fill voids within. Think good thoughts, guide your day, and practice enjoying life all on your own without others input.

2. What about when life goes wrong, and things look sad, bad, or scary? Find a quiet place to slowly make your way to inner calm and a slightly happier state. This thing called LIFE is full of twists and turns. We are going to experience the good with the bad, the scary and the exhilarating. I fully believe we have the ability within us to navigate them. When we press forward, we can take part in turning events and things around, sometimes into profound happiness.

3. Redefine happiness. Does it have to be a 9 or 10 out of 10? Is being “just ok” enough? In the past I, I wanted everything perfect. When it was, then I was happy. Well, that’s a bit crazy and self-defeating, isn’t it? Life can be happy at a 3, 4, or 5, can’t it? Yes, I’m here to say. Live in your normal happy range and begin to draw your attention to how good it is to live right there.

Perfection or living every day at a 10 on the happiness scale doesn’t exist. Enjoy life’s moments by moving up the scale, through doing simple steps. (Excerpt from Crazy Simple Steps to Feeling Happier)

4. Some people who experience clinical depression or anxiety are faced with the question of, “why can’t I be happy even when life is going great?” My son is one of these people. He is highly successful and from the outside looking in at his life, living the good life. He is bothered by his subconscious mind that sabotages even his best efforts to live a consistently happy life.

In an article by Arlin Cunic called, Why Can't I Be Happy Even When Life Is Going Great? She states it like this:

People with conditions like depression or anxiety may find difficulty in feeling positive emotions no matter how successful their lives become; this is because these conditions can cause brain chemistry imbalances which make it difficult to experience joy.
…find ways to work through those feelings to learn how to accept and appreciate the good in life.

If it seems overwhelmingly difficult to be happy in the simple things, or anxiety and depression are robbing you of this, please seek help with a professional coach or a counselor. Life is short. Let’s find a way to take part in everyday happiness.

You got this! If you'd like to reach out for coaching to help you

along the way, I'm here!

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